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The past thirty years has seen a tremendous surge in women's empowerment. Incalculable resources have been spent to provide women opportunities, mentorship, and entry into wealth and unique lifestyles never before seen in the history of black in America. At the same time 1970's America under Hoover, Nixon, and Cointelpro developed a defacto policy targeting deradicalization of black men. Criminalization, felonization, impoverishment, toxic urban environments, obesity, health and nutritional miseducation, corporate and educational glass ceilings, imprisonment, profiling, political divisiveness and strife, exploitation of comedic or misogynist celebrity stereotypes, stigmatization, predation, repudiation, and so on have in some way effected the lives of every black man and woman in America including the legacy of Dr. King.
A dilemma, if not crisis, has predictably arisen among the current generation of successful black women seeking similarly or more successful black men as life partners.
The story is much broader than older black men's failure to mentor the younger generation. There are much deeper issues than concise made-for-television sound bites. Thirty to forty year old black men and women are living out the aftermath of a dark period in the generation before them.
Over the last decade a phenomena I call "O"intelpro has also had a tremendous impact on black success identity. "O", a show admittedly purposed to sell products to middle aged white women, has done much to exploit the "purple - up by ya boot straps" theory of black success deeply rooted in the southern garden of Alice Walker's abuse fetish. Sisters, if you've followed this model and find yourself entangled in a web of unsuccessful, ineffectual, and/or secreted life of relationship intrigues you've been "O"intelpro'd.
Between Cointelpro and "O"intelpro gender relations between intelligent and loving black adults are subject to becoming rife with issues of race, class, gender identity, ideology, self-cherishing, frustration, shame, blame, guilt, legal problems, debt, challenged social currency, and outdated cultural idioms. The result of this dilemma is cultural contraception in the African American heterosexual community. Less marriages between black folk creating less black babies, more babies born out of wedlock, and mixed race babies born as a compromise to lowering one's economic, social, and/or professional standards. Que lastima! What to do?
The key for both genders is to live YOUR OWN dream based on where you find yourself today rather than the dream created by others a generation ago. Ask yourself if you want an intimate personal or family life like Oprah's, Alice Walker's, OJ's, Tiger's, Jesse's, gangster rap stars and so on. If not, but you're intimate life is headed in that direction, rewrite the script before it's too late. Celebrities are not paid to publicly discuss the great sacrifice those who love them have to make. In fact they can get really pissed when someone opens up about the trails and tribulations of their love and family life.
Some simple advice: Give yourself permission to live what best serves your long term emotional interests. Watch television for entertainment not love life advice.
Eligible brothers step up to a more loving model of secure manhood that is as durable as it is hard to say no to. And, with utmost integrity and tenderness unclench successful women's grip from their social identities, bottom lines and ovaries. No man or woman is an island. To try and fail is better than never to have tried at all.
Eligible sisters, don't look down on a man based on his current situation. Let partnership begin with openness to possibilities you may not have considered in the past. Maybe its time to support a man, "the man", who can make your dream for a long term loving relationship come true.
Of course, the solution is not that simple, but one thing we do know is that perpetually discussing the dilemma among same gender groups is not the answer to anything.
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